Why Outsourcing Your Healing Journey Keeps You Stuck

I see it constantly in healing spaces—clients who come in session after session, desperately seeking change but not experiencing the profound shifts they're hoping for. The pattern is always the same: they're waiting for someone else to do the work for them.

Here's what I've learned after years of practice: I am not the one doing the healing. I'm simply creating the catalyst for healing to occur. The real responsibility lies with the client—to meet that moment, step into it, and accept a new way of being.

This might sound harsh, but it's the most loving truth I can offer.

The Outsourcing Trap

When we outsource our healing, we're essentially handing over our power to someone else and waiting for them to fix what's broken inside us. But healing doesn't work like getting your car repaired or having a doctor set a broken bone. The deepest transformations require your active participation—your willingness to face what you've been avoiding.

I've identified three core reasons why people fall into this trap, and chances are, you'll recognize yourself in at least one of them.

1. They Simply Don't Know How

I deeply relate to this one because it was my story for years. I was desperately looking for a magic pill, a step-by-step manual that would tell me exactly how to heal my trauma. The uncertainty was overwhelming—I just wanted someone to give me the answers.

So I tried antidepressants. And yes, they helped take the emotional edge off, creating space for me to function. But nothing fundamentally changed. My core issues were still there, lurking beneath the surface.

Let me be clear—I'm not dismissing medication or professional help. They can be incredibly valuable tools, especially when you need breathing room to face your inner world without being swept away by emotional overwhelm. But for me, it was a wake-up call that no external solution would do the deep work for me.

The breakthrough came when I finally accepted that figuring out how to heal meant walking the path—step by uncertain step. I started with meditation, then took my first Reiki class, tried therapy, and kept experimenting. Each small action taught me something about what worked and what didn't. Eventually, these small steps accumulated into genuine healing.

2. Conditioned by the Medical Model

The second reason runs deeper than individual choice—it's how we've been conditioned to think about healing. Western medicine teaches us to turn to an expert whenever something's wrong, and this approach works beautifully for many physical ailments.

I fully support this model for what it's designed to do. Physical problems often require physical solutions from trained professionals, and therapy provides invaluable support for processing our experiences mentally.

But when it comes to holistic healing—the integration of mind, body, and soul—I've watched people bounce from practitioner to practitioner, seeking the next cure while avoiding the deeper issue: their relationship with their own story.

True healing requires engaging every part of your being. And here's the uncomfortable truth—only you can take that step. Only you can choose to break free from the patterns that keep you stuck in cycles of pain and trauma.

While we're taught to seek help from others, what we ultimately need is to turn inward and discover the truth that exists beyond our stories.

3. The Familiar Comfort of Our Pain

The third reason might be the most challenging to acknowledge: part of us doesn't actually want to change.

Whether we realize it or not, many of us cling to our stories—even the painful ones. We cling because they're familiar. We cling because they feel safe. They protect parts of us we're not ready to face or don't want to examine.

So we show up to healing sessions asking for transformation while unconsciously fighting to stay exactly the same. We want the pain to stop, but we're not willing to let go of the identity we've built around that pain.

This creates a torturous emotional and mental limbo—constantly trying to change while simultaneously resisting it. People find themselves returning to energy healers asking them to remove blocks, but those blocks are coming from within. They want to get better, but they aren't willing to release what's keeping them stuck.

The Cost of Giving Your Power Away

When we outsource our healing, we're not just avoiding responsibility—we're fundamentally giving our power away. We're waiting for something external to relieve our pain and carry our burdens.

And it's not just with practitioners. I've seen people get angry with their spirit guides, their guardians, even the universe itself, expecting these forces to change their lives without any effort on their part.

I know this pattern intimately because I lived it. For years, I was furious with God, the universe, whoever would listen. I felt like a victim and acted like one, convinced that everything else needed to come lift me out of my own situation. The old saying "God helps those who help themselves" turned out to be uncomfortably accurate.

Your soul didn't come here to bypass the difficult experiences. It came here to learn, to grow, to evolve through them.

This doesn't mean you need to re-traumatize yourself by dwelling in past pain. But you do need to understand how these experiences have shaped your life and meet them with radical honesty.

Reclaiming Your Inner Authority

By constantly seeking external fixes, you're not only disempowering yourself—you're being unfair to both you and the practitioners you're working with. Even those of us in service to others aren't meant to carry the burdens that belong to someone else.

Your own power—your inner authority—is what ultimately heals you. It's what helps you release the past, reclaim your truth, and return to your most authentic self.

When I witness clients making real, lasting changes, it's always because they're doing the work between our sessions. They're taking responsibility for their own transformation and using our time together as support for their own inner work, not as a replacement for it.

The Path Forward

Real healing comes when we finally show up for ourselves—not perfectly, not with all the answers, but with genuine commitment to our own growth. It means accepting that the path isn't always clear, the work isn't always comfortable, and the timeline isn't always what we'd prefer.

But it also means reclaiming the most fundamental truth about your healing journey: you have everything you need within you to transform your life. The practitioners, the tools, the techniques—they're all valuable support systems, but they're not the source of your healing.

You are.